Once Upon a Time in My Oceania

  Part of recovering from a cult is healing the parts of you that the cult hurt. In my case, a cult controlled, and its fear ruled my entire childhood. There are only photographs of my childhood days in cult clothes and doing most activities connected to the church. It’s very hard for me to even look at these photos without feeling a deep-rooted sorrow for my child self. I know now what I had missed, but mostly am aware of what was taken. I’ve been out closer to a decade after spending my first adult years as well inside. There is no secret key to healing from a cult experience. But there are strategies through things like professional counseling and connecting to survivor communities and such that can prove helpful. I’m not simply healing from a cult (although there is nothing “simple” about surviving a cult), I’m also healing from emotional, verbal, mental, physical and sexual abuse and overall neglect. It impacted my everyday life, has touched even my future in ways like diffi...

  Much of my life has operated around this broken and problematic thing called black-and-white thinking. It’s how my beliefs were ingrained into me, how I made my decisions and the lens through which my emotions were translated. One thing was either one way or the other, and there was never any middle ground. It was either wrong or right, black or white, good or bad. There was never an in between, no place for doubts or unanswered questions. Everyone around me displayed this mentality, and because children often mimic the adults in their lives, I, too, grew up with much of that mindset. Even after leaving fundamentalism that thrives off such thinking, those thought patterns have unfortunately followed me. While trying to find my views, my values, and my own way, I’ve found that the mindset I grew up with still finds ways to seep into my subconsciousness. For example, humans make mistakes, and a good person can do bad things, but still be a good person. That is just a part of being...

  Learning to be vulnerable after growing up isolated from the real world and being unable to trust the people you were taught were supposed to be trustworthy can leave a survivor struggling to connect post cult. Finding those who won’t judge you or exploit your cult experience can be difficult, adding to that struggle. Because surviving a cultic environment is often a traumatic experience, walking away may also mean walking away with chronic mental health issues such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and anxiety and depression, not to mention other types of illnesses that were left untreated for a member’s time inside of their cult. The point is that learning to trust others on the outside enough to be vulnerable can be extremely, extremely difficult for survivors. And yet, doing both those things (being vulnerable and trusting) are necessary in making meaningful connections. Building a new safe circle is important. Many of those that leave religiously abusive environments lose...