My Oceania: Part Two

Information Control

My palms are sweaty, my face grows warm, and the embarrassment takes control while I'm hopelessly searching my brain for the answer to the question that I was just asked. I haven't got a clue, so now I'm oddly smiling and offering up a helpless shrug.

"I don't know," I finally say after awhile and the dumbfounded look from the person across from me makes me want to disappear. But, not knowing is the truth and although, yes, I have lied in the past, coming up with an acceptable answer, I've learned lying can dig you deeper into a hole of unexplainable excuses that isn't easy to climb out of. I choose honesty this time. 

"I don't know that movie." I repeat and now it's my turn to uncomfortably laugh with the stun expression the person I'm in a conversation with is wearing over that fact, that when it comes to most pop culture, I don't know much. 

For many years, movies, theaters, any music other than Hymns or Gospel—that, too, had to be pastor approved—were not allowed. Certain books and games, like playing cards and swimming with mixed sexes was forbidden and must be done fully clothed. I was taught that popular toys like Care Bears were demon possessed and Cabbage Patch Kids dolls were sinful. The book, Turmoil in The Toy Box influenced many Independent Fundamental Baptist youth's childhoods, spreading false and frankly foolish superstitions disguised as "biblical" and convincing fundamentalist parents that these children toys were the Devil's way of influencing their sons and daughters to sin. 

                    

Fashion was nearly nonexistent. Pants on women were against the rules. Hair on females was to be long; a man's haircut had to be short. Piercings were "marking" the body and were preached against. If somehow they were deemed "acceptable", this usually was interpreted as a single piercing, in each ear for ladies. Stud earrings only; hoops were that of what a whore would adorn her body with. Tattoos were a no-no and flip flops frowned upon. I knew of ladies banned from participating in music ministries for that violation. 

                                         
Our uniforms for women were dresses and jean skirts well past the knees and sometimes to the floor. No slits. Blouses no lower than three fingers width from your collarbone and nonform fitting. High heels had regulations as well. The higher you went, the more likely they're coming off and a pair of flats would take their place. Certain clothing colors were sometimes viewed as "harlot colors" and I vividly remember being told to cover up a red shirt that went to my neck with a sweater in Summer because it was...well, red. And as oddly as it sounds, I witnessed a young teen scolded in front of the entire congregation for sporting an American Eagle brand sweatshirt since it was a "worldly" designer. It was gifted to them by a non-IFB grandparent. I never seen that sweatshirt again. 

These regulations didn't only apply to pop culture, entertainment, and clothing. 

                                             
Education was seriously impacted. Key moments in history were altered and certain aspects of science tampered with or not even taught altogether in our fundamentalist curriculum. The Theory of Evolution I am just now learning, along with the history of civilization. I never heard of the Ottoman Empire and knew very little of the cultures behind the forming of many countries. Every aspect of American history was viewed through a Christian Nationalist's lens. The Civil War was over "states' rights" and African American slaves sold themselves into captivity according to "God's plan." I just truly learned about the late Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. two years ago, on the outside of my past fundamentalist community. Reading MLK's sermons created a hero to help replace many of the ones I lost upon leaving.

My education as a Christian Fundamentalist child such as it was meant that happenings outside of my very isolated world might as well have been nonexistent. Aiding this was that some news broadcasts, newspapers, magazines, and the Press never penetrated my community except for rare occasions and was of some religious or politically approved content. 

                                         
I remember the first television my family brought into the home that was secondhand. Local weather reports showed up in time for me to watch coverage of my first remembered East Coast hurricane that destroyed some church members' homes. The family TV also issued exposure to some family friendly movies. Disney's Dumbo and The Lion King were forbidden, but Cinderella made the "Okayed List" when I was twelve. Rodgers and Hammerstein's The Sound of Music became a favorite of mine. Julie Andrews, spirited as ever, was a heroine to me, speaking up and refusing to remain silent in the presence of a man. 

Internet was always monitored and banned from most homes. Ours was a bit lucky in this retrospect, allowing me the ability to send emails back and forth to former pastors and missionaries in the field connected to my community every now and then. And when I turned eighteen, and after I graduated from homeschool, I was gifted the opportunity to join social media. It was there, that years later, it would provide a look at my life that I didn't know existed. But more of that later...

Being in the world, but not of it. That was my Oceania's motto. Citizens were to be the "peculiar people", abstaining from all appearances of evil. It baffles me still to this day that I lived amongst the public population and yet, was cut off from them in knowledge, truth, and understanding. And I grieve that. I mourn the little things. 

No pictures of me standing in my sparkly, purple prom dress and alongside my date. I would have been willing to follow the rules of no hand holding or dancing just to get that snapshot to look back on today, too. I longed for the ability to be proud of my original high school diploma with the education of facts, not conspiracy theories behind it. Or the childhood friends who's friendships disappeared upon my exit out of Oceania—I miss those. Just the simple knowledge of what boy band was topping the charts and the memory of purchasing their newest album of that day is something small that would have made a big difference.

Mostly, I wished it didn't take twenty-one years to recognize Oceania for what it was, instead of the false sense of safety, righteousness, rightness, habit, traditions and the "one true way." Because one thing I now realize, something I have learned is that love, compassion, and many different ways exist and that's...that's okay. Truth is good, even when it threatens your lies.

                        
Something else I know is that information, all of it, is necessary for free societies and free people. You accomplish nothing from restricting a certain classic movie, a beautiful work of fiction, a song about happiness in the little things that life has to offer, editing history and printing your preferred version to a new page and disguising it as education, convincing its readers it is historically accurate. The only thing accomplished in information control is control itself. And control guarantees nothing ever changes even when it needs to. It ensures that basic human emotions never surface fully, preventing questions from being posed. It keeps control in unworthy leaders' hands.

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

But sometimes, it just isn't. That's another thing I'm all right with. That some things are not as they appear. There's just too much world for small, isolated boxes to hold curiosity as hostage. 

"I don't know," is going to be a reply uttered again by me. But my curiosity and hunger for knowledge will now accompany what I missed.


Photos courtesy: Cartoon Broom, inheritco, Shutterstock,Google/no-gods-no-masters.com