Saints v. Secular: Why Sexual Abuse is an IFB Sin

Why speak out solely about Independent Fundamental Baptists? First, it's something I personally experienced for twenty-one years. Second, when I left I was under the impression it was just my own experience, just my church, until I learned that wasn't the case and that knowledge forever changed me. Suddenly, it wasn't just me anymore, just my hurt. Other girls and boys, along with women and men have and continue to experience that very same heartbreak. Thirdly, although I do from time to time address other denominations who are experiencing similar things (because, yes, I'm aware that is true), I tend to share things I have either experienced myself or went on to research. Starting with a particular way of life I was born and raised in, then lived for most of my life, steered me in that direction. IFB is something ingrained in me, I know most of the ins and outs, pick up on particular trademarks, along with the fact I can usually recognize unique aspects. But more on that maybe some other time...

Now, do all IFB churches have a history of sexual crimes? I'm going to assume no, just because the data at present is unclear about that. However, the current data does suggest patterns. Why? Because in general most IFB churches in name share common beliefs, practices, and traditions that may go to aid continuous abuse.

Since there is no one official "headquarters," if you will, calling out a possible abusive system is sometimes tricky. Part of the argument I hear all the time is that it's a church by church basis. Some bad apples; others are not. Too often the very barrel isn't examined and the root cause of the rot is never thoroughly investigated.

In general, that's how communities work, right? We each have our own style of talk, unique lingo that identifies us from such-n-such place. Well, certain hallmark doctrines (e.g. sexual purity) may play a significant part in the problem.

Besides particular identifying markers, those hallmarks, if you will, comes the fact that many IFB publicly state they are indeed Independent Fundamental Baptists. That being the case, when I refer to IFB as a whole I'm referring to those that identify as such.

When I speak up or share my thoughts it tends to be related to human rights, especially the disregarding of them such as the abuse of children, women, and men. When a human's rights are violated it is the duty of the community that victim belongs to, to not only step up and help the hurting, but to also act to prevent the damage done from being repeated. Responding and acting with transparency is key. If that isn't going to happen, it's up to those outside of that community to step in and take care of the situation.

Let's talk about prevention though. 

First steps is understanding what predators look for to ensure 1) there is the potential for future victims, 2) the opportunity to inflict harm, 3) a high probability that the crime will not be found out, 4) the ability to control by way of manipulation and intimidation the situation as a whole via dictating and controling the narrative, including at times relying on character references to "clear" them of any crime.

1. Understanding who are potential victims:

1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. The average child predator has between 1 to 40 victims in their lifetime. Some have upwards of over a hundred, such was the Larry Nassar case, and statistics suggest serial offenders can have up to 400 victims. Children, innocent and usually trusting, are most likely the targets of sexual abuse. By far, minors are the most vulnerable in any community.

In IFB, basic sex education is not taught. Questions about anatomy are usually met with shame. Though some may, not all parents are either informed on how to speak to their child about sexual abuse or many consider sex taboo and a subject off limits because of the possibility of spiritually corrupting their child's mind. To help prevent abuse, it is vital parents teach children what is a "good/safe" touch and what is a "bad/unsafe" touch. Boys and girls should have the ability to refuse unwanted and uncomfortable embraces, request their personal space not be violated, and be encouraged to set healthy boundaries by practicing their right as a human to consent or not consent to any action by another that involves their bodies.

Let's be clear here: a child can never consent to an adult. That is impossible. Any sexual activity that involves a child by an adult is always abuse. A predator looks for victims who are most likely to not understand what the crime is to ensure secrecy of that same crime.

Again, the majority of IFB children are not taught or allowed to practice bodily autonomy in any respect.

Children and young teens are prime targets for sexual abuse. 54% of all sexual assaults occurred before the victim reached adulthood.

Note: the common place physical abuse (corporal punishment/"godly discipline") only adds to this epidemic since many children equate pain with love. This particular practice embraced by many sadly only aides the predator.

Other potential victims include women. Again, many of the hallmarks of IFB teachings, and if you will, even certain aspects of its doctrine view women as lesser than the man. This translates in restrictions on how they are to serve (e.g. forbidden roles in any leadership compacity), and how men view their bodies (e.g. dress restrictions to cover their body to prevent temptation and/or a females body being that of a "temptress"). Women are also to be silent, are admonished for not being submissive, and rarely have the ability to say 'no'. With imbalance of authority between the sexes this puts them as targets for rape, domestic violence, victim shaming, and sexual harassment by males within their communities.

Anyone can sadly be a victim of sexual assault. Abuse does not discriminate. Children, women, and men are all vulnerable to a predator, which is why understanding who is most at risk for sexual violence goes a long ways in preventing it in the first place.

2. Understanding the techniques of grooming to provide the opportunity for abuse to occur:

We warn our children about Stranger Danger, to not trust someone they don't know when they are suddenly approached. Well, what happens when the predator is in fact not just someone they know, but a trusted individual in their lives? This is why spotting grooming of potential victims is incredibly important, even more so if the victims are children.

It's important to acknowledge a predator finds soft targets in religious communities. Not only does it ensure the possibility of numerous victims, it provides them direct access to them with time and opportunities to create trust, manipulate, and overall groom them and their families for the eventual crime on a weekly basis. They become a fixture in their lives, coming into contact so often. Truly, just the routine itself of seeing a person multiple times during everyday life creates and builds a false sense of trust. This false sense of trust can cause parents especially to relax their guard. 6 in 10 rapes and sexual assaults the victim was known to their perpetrator.

IFB children are taught to obey and respect their elders and those in authority positions. It's a sign of good favor to be shown attention, to be drawn under an influential adult's wing. In IFB teachings, children are to learn from the elders in their churches. This sadly can provide opportunities for predators to spin their web of lies and manipulation to eventually prey on victims.

3. Upping the odds that a crime and the offender will not be outed:

Along with choosing sometimes the most vulnerable of victims, creating trust by way of grooming, and seeking every opportunity to also ensure the trust of the adults in the victim's life, is to be convinced that the crime once committed will not be found out. Only the very brazen do not consider this risk fully or act without care of it.

Predators sometimes look for guarantees on how to do this by understanding and using certain aspects of doctrines and teachings (this is also known as spiritual abuse) to either silence victims or manipulate fellow believers to keep the crime quiet, to ensure it never sees the light of day. Churches are seen as safe, family oriented settings. We suspect strangers can be potential threats, but a fellow church member or person in authority not so much. Why would you suspect a likeminded believer of such malicious and heinous intent? Their presence in a worship service goes to depict them as just another worshiper, and why wouldn't it?

4. Ways the predator's narrative is embraced:

Unfortunately, some environments themselves nearly fully offer that guarantee and are exactly the setting that best grants sexual predators the likelihood that all crimes committed will not be reported or prosecuted. Maybe it's because the abuser in question is not questioned at all, being believed over the victim. In many cases, victims are not advocated for and are shamed publicly in their communities. In others, its the group's reputation that they care to protect over the victim's safety.

Regardless, a common factor is that a sexual crime is held to the same level as any other "sin." Sin can be forgiven in many groups. A simple acknowledgement in front of fellow believers is sometimes enough. That being the case, many predators face no real consequences.

Churches and their communities need to clearly understand this: sexual crimes are just that—crimes of a sexual nature. Church leadership cannot act alone in "investigating" an alleged crime. Professionals who are not only trained in these specific fields, but are also unbiased, are vital to any investigation. In fact, they are to be the lead of any and all cases.

Too many times, IFB pastors and church leadership, believe they have the right to permit or refuse the secular rule of law into their ministries. Nothing could be further from the truth. That is not the proper and safe way of responding when an accusation or suspicion of abuse has been made known. First and foremost, law enforcement needs to be alerted. This should be mandatory, and in some states it is. Once that has been done, following their professional guidance is key to ensuring a proper investigation takes place.

Transparency with congregants is incredibly important throughout the entire process. Nothing breaks trust more with believers than for leadership to be more concerned with a public relations campaign to protect reputation, instead of their own communities.

Also, in some situations there will be one isolated instance, but unfortunately, that is usually not the case. Because predators tend to seek more victims after a successful crime, sadly it's not uncommon for the number of victims to exceed what was originally suspected once an official investigation begins. This is not only reserved for the number of victims; common is the scenario that multiple predators exist in one body of believers. This is why it is so imperative for pastors and members to respond without judgment and with compassion, providing a safe place for others that have been hurt to come forward.

The main objective of every church, regardless of denomination, should be to ensure true healing takes place. Healing for the victims and their families, but also healing for the church as a whole. Betrayal by a trusted person is difficult to process. It provides questions like why and how, along with a sense of sometimes being blindsided. Taking action to prevent another tragedy from taking place can offer the beginning steps towards healing. Congregants should feel they can go to their leaders and share concerns and prompt questions, to ask for guarantees to ensure their family is safe. That is EVERY church member's right.

Surely, sexual abuse is not only limited to Independent Fundamental Baptists. It's obvious that is not the case and in fact the data reflects that the epidemic is in many communities of faith and any religious institution is susceptible to it. If feeling that the spotlight being shined directly on particular groups, including the IFB, is some kind of an attack or smear campaign against Christians, then sadly, you have missed the point. No, the point is, in general, predators seek groups they feel will offer the best chance at filling their perverse appetites.

The main objective of all those that believe in preventing abuse of any form is to recognize that one, churches are soft targets; and secondly, some environments are at greater risk because of unique factors (such as mentioned before) that can put them as even bigger targets.

The sad fact is that instead of making changes to trouble areas in those factors, which includes practices in some cases, too many leaders and believers are fighting the evidence. If you're a Catholic, SBC, SGM, JW, and yes, even IFB, it shouldn't be about denying what has been put in front of your very eyes. The insistence that not all are bad, that not all are bad apples has become the most biggest stumbling block in tackling sexual abuse in the Church.

Look, if someone shares a story and points out a particular practice that indeed aided in their abuse, you need to stop, listen, and evaluate. When that one story turns into another, then another, and you're hearing account after account that means it's not limited to one church, not one leader, not just one predator, not one broken person, or family, or congregation—it is evident there's a problem.

As heartbreaking as it is, as scary as it can be to feel like your very foundation is threatening to crumble, nothing will be as detrimental to your faith than to stand by and let evil persist.

In fact, an argument could be made that maybe the practice responsible is not the most shameful itself, but the refusal of those that witness it to acknowledge it.

To speak directly to IFB here, seeing how twenty-one years in your midst has taught me a thing or two: pride...Pride, pride, PRIDE. Pride cometh before destruction and an haughty spirit before the fall.

The refusal to acknowledge the damage is pride: "No way I would be in a church that does such things." Well, have you checked, thoroughly and rigoursly made sure? Pride in "I would never be so stupid to not see where my pastor has erred. I have the Bible, the Holy Spirit in me." Then, have you paid attention to the evidence of countless cases of abuse shared by hundreds upon hundreds of victims? And why haven't you listened to the answer you're receiving? Pride in yourself, because if you're wrong on this, then what else are you wrong on? But is it worth being right even if you're actually somehow wrong?

Again, I'm speaking to IFB, but really it's to everyone of us: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Granddad, Aunt or Uncle, older Brother and Sister, Friend, is your loved one worth it?

I'm going to be honest here...the wound of childhood sexual abuse is a tough one to heal, are you willing to risk the child you love? Do we care?

In the end, I walked away from IFB. And after my time in its churches, I, personally, don't agree with many things. Speaking about those things may seem as if I'm the enemy—I understand and that's fair. But what I've learned is that when two people, from two different sides, meet in the middle with one shared goal, then that is where allies can be made. And what greater goal than the protection of children? How can anything be so righteous, so natural?

Finally, on a deeply personal note and speaking only on behalf of myself here, after a situation that prompted me to do some serious soul searching: Part of being perceived as an enemy in the eyes of some, also can very well be something that holds deeper meaning. Arguing for or against whether or not I'm in the "fold" is a stumbling block that has continued to derail or take predominance in conversations where incredibly important subjects like the above are then dismissed. After doing that soul searching like I referred to before, I'm going to forfeit my status as one of the "Saved." To be quite frank here, if the stumbling block standing in the way for me to speak to the person on the other side of the conversation is whether or not I'm lost, then I will more than gladly give up that fight to help ensure the odds for the battle of sexual abuse in the church can succeed. If this ends up translating to Lydia, ex IFB and apostate from Christianity, then fine. I've lived a life being misunderstood too many times to count, but I'm quite used to that. In the end, the safety of children is and will be my top goal.

To sum it up: if in order to hear the truth on sexual abuse in IFB churches means that you need to assign me to such and such spiritual status, even if it's a negative one, I can work with that. Now that that's settled, let's move on to the issues...

Stats provided by National Institute of Justice (NIJ) and RACCE. Additional resources include: Child Help, RAINN, The Hotline, and GRACE.