10 Songs That Express What It's Like to Leave a Cult

 


It's been some time since I wrote about songs that helped me leave my IFB church of fifteen years and the entire movement as a whole. During that difficult time, where such a heavy decision weighed on me, music was a friend. That music was banned only served as just one more proof that that environment was controlling. I'll never understand, even years later, why such rules have to apply (learning and understanding cults does provide some insight). The experience of leaving a religious cult is difficult to put into words, although you see me try my darndest on this blog. With this post though, I'm going to share ten songs that express, for me, what it was like to leave a cult and that journey afterwards.


Dear God - Dax


This artist asks the tough questions for many of us trying to figure out what to believe, especially when spirituality was used as a weapon against us. I love his honesty and I relate so much. 


Cost of Doin' Business - FIFTH


When I stumble upon other fellow cult survivors out there, I always feel less alone. FIFTH is a former Jehovah's Witness that heartbreakingly expresses the often cost of choosing freedom–shunning. I found this artist while reading an interview he had with cult expert Steven Hassan. 


Paralyzed - NF


There's another difficult aspect of leaving a cult or any controlling relationship and that's the toll it takes on your mental health. The group (or relationship) you were in were your only source of emotional feeling, dictating to you how to feel. Afterwards, I found myself so often feeling numb and paralyzed. Now, I understand that's a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (which I have been diagnosed with due to trauma and surviving a cult). I am a big fan of this artist in general, but especially for his ability to put into lyrics what our mental health can feel like.... Including the feeling of being utterly paralyzed.


Bird Set Free - SIA


Bird Set Free was one of those songs that I heard and instantly connected with. At the time, I had been removed from the IFB for years, but feeling all the feels all over again (it happens). Sia's lyrics are powerful, because I so often feel we were all just birds in a cage being made to believe that a "cage" is "freedom." So glad I flew away in the end.


Ill Mind of Hopsin 7 


Hopsin was blunt in this one, which I love. This song was one that I had to listen to over and over to absorb what it was saying and the real emotion it conveyed. This was "gifted" to me shortly after I connected with a loving person and I shared about my experience growing up and leaving a cult. I love this artist's authenticity in this one. 


SAINTS - Echos


I came across this song via another cult survivor's fantastic playlist that they shared with me. Definitely a good one. One of my favorite lines is: You're no saint, you're no savior. And, how true was that of the cult we left? No matter how they displayed themselves, putting on a deceiving mask, they were hurtful. This song helps me remember it's okay to put the blame where it belongs. 


On My Way - FIFTH


I'm sharing another one by this fellow cult survivor because he speaks my language, words I relate so powerfully to as someone that is trying to build an autonomous life post-cult. I feel it's a beautiful message to say "I'm on my way" after so many years stuck and stunted. It reminds me how far I've come and how far I have yet to go. 


Elastic Heart - Wolves


One line sums it up: You did not break me. I'm still fighting for peace. And, that's the gospel truth. 


Never Going Back - The Score


While grappling with my time in the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, I found this song. My heart was raw from reliving some of my experiences with another and I stumbled upon these simply powerful words. I'm beyond thankful I'm never going back. That I left and found that I not only can be my own person, but I deserve to be. 


The Living Proof - Mary J. Blige


It's gonna be a long long journey
It's gonna be an uphill climb
It's gonna be a tough fight
There's gonna be some lonely nights
But I'm ready to carry on

I'm so glad the worst is over
('Cause it almost took me out)
I can start living now
Ooh, I feel like I can do anything
And finally I'm not afraid to breathe

This song is a message I would love to share with every cult survivor of every stripe. You're the living proof, the truth of what courage looks like. 

I can never listen to this song and not cry. 


Wait.... A BONUS song!


Almost Heaven - Jeremiah Lloyd Harmon


If you're not familiar with this artist's story, I highly encourage you to check it out. If you're former IFB, even more so. Remarkable talent and I love this particular song. 

That's a wrap for now! I'd love to hear from you about some of the music that has deeply touched your life as a person or cult survivor. I'm always expanding my playlist, so send your songs my way. 

Music speaks volumes when you can't quite find the words. <3


Photo courtesy: Unsplash
Video courtesy: YouTube


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