Send The Rain: Revival and Reckoning in The IFB Church

 

I prayed for revival. I wept and cried, pleaded, and begged that God would send a mighty awakening in the IFB movement. At the time, I didn’t know I was praying for the Independent Fundamental Baptists; only that I was praying for Christians. I was taught real Christians were independent, fundamental and Baptist though. We were the “saved” ones, the separated, and sanctified. And because of those things and the teachings I grew up with (not to mention the fear), believed with my whole heart. I took the “man of God’s” words seriously and I did as was told. So, I prayed. I prayed God would revive us.

I never got to see a mighty revival overcome the IFB. Not over the years I was there. I struggled to understand why that was the case when so many of us had to have taken that seriously and followed the rules. Before I left, I realized it would never happen. When I heard that I and other young people were at fault for the absence of revival, I felt betrayed. It wounded me and others I knew well. In the end, it was a push that aided in me walking out the Independent Fundamental Baptist’s door.

I recently saw a meme from an advocate page I follow, and it provoked a thought in me and hence why I’m writing this. It simply said that for those of us that grew up in the IFB cult, we were taught to pray for revival. We grew up and left and now are exposing the abuse in the IFB. It’s a different revival than I was taught to pray for, but I guess answered prayers are possible, like I was taught.

At my core, I believed wholeheartedly. I was serious about serving. Today, at my core, I still believe in honesty. I believe that “sin” should be exposed. That hypocrisy should see the light of day and that those that profess to serve a “righteous god” and hurt those in their flocks, should be brought to justice and face accountability. The irony is that while I believed wholeheartedly, IFB leaders broke my heart into pieces by their lies. While I served God, they used their god to abuse people in their pews.

If there was ever a revival needed in Independent Baptist churches, it’s the revival of calling out abuse. It’s of needing to separate themselves from the abusers in their midst and stepping away from hurtful teachings that aid in abuse. It’s a revival of letting go of self-righteousness and living righteous. A righteousness of healing the broken wounds they’ve created. Of putting the responsibility on their shoulders and not victims’.

Being a former IFB is just part of my journey. It’s something that I used to be ashamed of. Now, I understand that it was beyond my control and shouldn’t feel shame. I was born into an abusive world that abused me. I walked away from that same abusive world and did my part in adding my voice to sound the alarm. Now, I can focus on my healing and growth post-cult. I get to live my life beautifully, freely, and passionately.

Still in my heart of hearts, I wish my former community would change for the better. I wish they’d stop hurting so many innocent people, especially the children within their churches. I wish they would be serious about a widespread revival. I wish they’d care. There will never be the right words to adequately express how I wish they’d just…. do right.

I’ve decided that although I was born IFB and lived it until adulthood, I get to break the cycle. I break that cycle every day I decide to treat people kindly, stand up for a victim, love those I was taught deserved hatred. I break those old chains every time I do those things and follow my own conscience. For those of us who were once young people in the IFB: We did believe. We did pray. We did right. We did leave. We did raise our voices. We did the hard work. We’re still doing that hard work of healing and recovering, of loving and leaving, and of being righteous by simply allowing our hearts to guide us instead of brainwashing.

I am so glad I prayed and had faith. “Faith” looks different now. It’s not the faith I was brought up on. It’s not even the faith that many consider faith. But it’s that faith that has guided me so far and that’s the faith of seeing the good in people and striving to always do better than what I was taught from childhood. It’s the faith in healing and growth. I guess, it’s my own revival.