Once Upon a Time in My Oceania

  Upon waking up after leaving a cult and finding myself grappling with that fact, I also started to grieve. I grieved my exit and what leaving cost me: access to family within it, loss of community and the people I knew all my life. And then there was the grief that comes along with realizing you were lied to, manipulated and controlled. Even the realization that the cause wasn't real, worthy or righteous: all of it I grieved.  I also started to see more clearly on all that the cult stole from me, including my childhood.  I don't blame my family for the things the cult stole. I understand too much on how people get sucked into an religiously abusive group and I believe they joined because they believed it was not only the best thing to do, but the only right decision. As much as it can be frustrating and easy to do, I try not to direct my frustration at them. I remember well how controlling and manipulating the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement was and I have no d...

Silence and secrecy are often, in my opinion, the key ingredients in keeping any abusive system alive and operating. This also is part of the reason that when truths that shine a negative light do appear, people are not readily in a place to accept them as truth and real concerns are dismissed. Part of maintaining silence and secrecy may look different depending on the organization/group, but in general there are a few common ways of achieving the goal of abuses and wrongdoings remaining unknown, unchecked and hidden firmly beneath the rug they've been swept under and sometimes, expertly so.  In order to insure wrongdoings are kept silent is to start with an environment that doesn't look too keenly on "unnecessary" and unwanted accusations being prompted in the first place. Within this environment, and in my experience, the Independent Fundamental Baptists, leaders constantly preach how sinful it is to sow discord among fellow believers. With this in mind, vi...

Information Control My palms are sweaty, my face grows warm, and the embarrassment takes control while I'm hopelessly searching my brain for the answer to the question that I was just asked. I haven't got a clue, so now I'm oddly smiling and offering up a helpless shrug. "I don't know," I finally say after awhile and the dumbfounded look from the person across from me makes me want to disappear. But, not knowing is the truth and although, yes, I have lied in the past, coming up with an acceptable answer, I've learned lying can dig you deeper into a hole of unexplainable excuses that isn't easy to climb out of.  I choose honesty this time.  "I don't know that movie." I repeat and now it's my turn to uncomfortably laugh with the stun expression the person I'm in a conversation with is wearing over that fact, that when it comes to most pop culture, I don't know much.  For many years, movies, theaters, any music other tha...