Once Upon a Time in My Oceania

  I was always terrified of the outside. The world was scarry and dangerous. As a little girl, I was always aware that evil lurked around every corner—in the churches with different names on them than my own, in those who were at ballgames, my neighbors, and even some of my unsaved relatives. It was so ingrained in me that I avoided all those that were labeled the “lost.” I would protect my testimony, myself and my family and not dwell with sinners. The world on the outside was viewed from the lens that I was conditioned with. Most have heard of “red colored glasses” and seeing the world in that light… well, mine were those of suspicion. Suspicion and fear because of a religious dogma that put commitment to your spiritual family above all. Even when that spiritual family physically beat you, screamed how terrible you were and that you were unworthy of good things, even when that family sexually abuses you or keeps you from help—that spiritual family deserved your loyalty. Loy...

  There are many things wrong with fundamentalism, in my opinion. I couldn’t get into all of them in a single post without exhausting myself in the process. But I think the teaching of separation, this command in many ways, is definitely one of the most problematic ones. I could point to the way fundamentalism uses this teaching to separate its members from outside resources in cases of abuse, the different ways separation can impact the next generation mentally, physically, and educationally, or even the fact that fundamentalism instills in its followers not to rely on others to a point that is unrealistic and entire families suffer because of it. There really are many aspects that I could share about where this teaching causes future damage to fundamentalists. I never needed to be separate. I didn’t need to remove myself from a world that could harm me. I did not need to pull myself away from the joy that human connection offers. I didn’t need to be saved, sanctified, and separ...

  It's been some time since I wrote about songs that helped me leave my IFB church of fifteen years and the entire movement as a whole. During that difficult time, where such a heavy decision weighed on me, music was a friend. That music was banned only served as just one more proof that that environment was controlling. I'll never understand, even years later, why such rules have to apply (learning and understanding cults does provide some insight). The experience of leaving a religious cult is difficult to put into words, although you see me try my darndest on this blog. With this post though, I'm going to share ten songs that express, for me, what it was like to leave a cult and that journey afterwards. Dear God - Dax This artist asks the tough questions for many of us trying to figure out what to believe, especially when spirituality was used as a weapon against us. I love his honesty and I relate so much.  Cost of Doin' Business - FIFTH When I stumble upon other ...

  It's difficult to explain to those who haven't also had the realization that they, too, were once in a religious cult what that's like. It's something that I've also had to try and tackle while undergoing therapy for my chronic PTSD. I know at least I'm not "crazy," but it still doesn't change the fact it sounds crazy and is uncomprehensible to the mast majority of people who listen to me explain what my life once consisted of.  It doesn't help that the word "cult" has been grossly sensationalized and stigmatized, whether by Hollywood or even other cults themselves. It seems the very worst controlling groups tend to draw the brightest spotlight on them that society has a unconscious threshold of what constitutes a cult. Basically, if you didn't have some terrifying rituals or lived on a compound, suddenly you are not a cult survivor.  You can easily be invalidated.  But for those that have lived that life and left, we've exp...

  I cried today. Bawled. Snotty nose, swollen red eyes, and shoulders that shook cried. What caused this intense reaction? Christmas cards. I thought 6 years later I'd be stronger than this. That it wouldn't bother me as much. That distance and its friend time would have helped heal this old wound. I also naively considered the fact that this year my life has had much more happiness, new and unexpected changes, that were also welcome and that those things would lessen the sting. I thought I had grown and yes, I know I have in some major ways.  But the truth is it still hurts. So I'm writing this. To my family who I won't be seeing this holiday season because I left the Church: I think we all secretly dreaded the holidays long before I left. The stress to be perfect, to add up to others' depictions of good Christian families was tough. There was always so, so much pressure. Or maybe that was just me feeling it. But, I think we always knew that, although there were la...

Just recently, I was a part of a lengthy discussion with someone who was of the opinion that to call out abuse in the Independent Fundamental Baptist world is to "finger point" if the number of cases of sexual abuse does not reach a shocking number more than that of other denomination, such as the Catholic Church or even the Jehovah's Witnesses. Their point of view was how can we demand accountability of churches independent of each other, who are without a head organization and sans a numbers count of total members? Unlike mainstream religions, Independent Fundamental Baptist churches do not, and if they do, rarely, have checks and balances on the system and yet, in spite of this, patterns point to systematic abuse.  If we were to obtain an accurate number, we would have to first create a database of all churches identifying as IFB. I would argue that, wait, we do, in many ways, have just that in numerous forms. There are IFB church directories that do just that...

When we hear the word shunning , I'll bet most of us suddenly picture the plain life of the Amish or even the strange, secretive world of Scientology. These two groups certainly have given the practice of shunning a definition that many folks can look to for a definitive meaning, but the greater question is whether or not this practice is reserved solely to them? This leads to another question and that is, is shunning synonymous with the word cult ? I think that both questions are not always just based on curiousty, but in some cases, because of a need to truly understand other isolated worlds. I know that I have asked these myself in the past on my own journey of separating fact from fiction, striving to make sense of very surreal situations in my own memory. Before I dive into this though, I think it's important that for the sake of avoiding miscommunication that I reiterate that not all religious groups are cults and not all cults are destructive (basing this detail ...