Once Upon a Time in My Oceania

  I've been right where you are. I've had the same things said to me and about me, too.  It sucks.  People don't get it and that's frustrating.  It hurts. It's damaging.  It's a negative reminder.  It's a reminder of the harm done. No, they don't get it. No, they don't want to either. They'd rather suggest you are bitter, vindective, seeking revenge.  But for what?  For finally voicing a secret not of your own making. A secret that seared your heart, mind, and soul. A secret your body unfortunately can remember all too well. "I'd think you'd want to forget about it..."  How do you know that us girls don't wish for the ability to not remember the time(s) our innocence was stolen? Instead, we are forced to relive every, single and agonizing moment. We continue to pay even years later.  You would think they'd not ask the impossible.  But they do, because the possible–the seeking of justice–would also reveal their own ugly t...

Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence I can't say I ever witnessed a happy marriage in my time in fundamentalism. Not one couple comes to mind over those twenty-one years where I feel were a relationship to look up to, to use as an example of what to look for in a future partner. The relationships I witnessed were often replicas of each other, with the power dynamics of each one appearing very much the same. The first thing I automatically think of is the fact men called the shots, even for their own wives. Very rarely (if ever) did I witness a woman making a decision without the greenlight by their husband. I knew wives who couldn't even go on a grocery run without their husband's permission. Every step had to be approved by their husband or else it was a step out of line. The inability to make decisions for themselves like where to go, what to wear, how to style their hair or how to apply their make-up are just a few examples. Women were admonished for simple things...

Living in the world of fundamentalism as a female was a different kind of complicated. There were unique aspects that solely applied to the women and girls within it, and because of that, there are certain negative takeaways that many of us have, even years after leaving our particular Christian Fundamentalism movements. There are some things that we, as women who have lived in that world, only fully understand. From what formers have shared, I believe this is true for males as well and, in my opinion, stems directly from the enforced restrictions and roles all members, regardless of their gender, were made to adhere to. There was always segregation of one form or another under the guise of separation and doing things "decently and in order," as we so often were told.  I think of it as this: There's the large box of Christian Fundamentalism; my particular group, Independent Fundamental Baptists, fits perfectly in it. Then follows the authority roles of pastors, with...