Once Upon a Time in My Oceania

Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence I can't say I ever witnessed a happy marriage in my time in fundamentalism. Not one couple comes to mind over those twenty-one years where I feel were a relationship to look up to, to use as an example of what to look for in a future partner. The relationships I witnessed were often replicas of each other, with the power dynamics of each one appearing very much the same. The first thing I automatically think of is the fact men called the shots, even for their own wives. Very rarely (if ever) did I witness a woman making a decision without the greenlight by their husband. I knew wives who couldn't even go on a grocery run without their husband's permission. Every step had to be approved by their husband or else it was a step out of line. The inability to make decisions for themselves like where to go, what to wear, how to style their hair or how to apply their make-up are just a few examples. Women were admonished for simple things...

Just recently, I was a part of a lengthy discussion with someone who was of the opinion that to call out abuse in the Independent Fundamental Baptist world is to "finger point" if the number of cases of sexual abuse does not reach a shocking number more than that of other denomination, such as the Catholic Church or even the Jehovah's Witnesses. Their point of view was how can we demand accountability of churches independent of each other, who are without a head organization and sans a numbers count of total members? Unlike mainstream religions, Independent Fundamental Baptist churches do not, and if they do, rarely, have checks and balances on the system and yet, in spite of this, patterns point to systematic abuse.  If we were to obtain an accurate number, we would have to first create a database of all churches identifying as IFB. I would argue that, wait, we do, in many ways, have just that in numerous forms. There are IFB church directories that do just that...

Why speak out solely about Independent Fundamental Baptists ? First, it's something I personally experienced for twenty-one years. Second, when I left I was under the impression it was just my own experience, just my church, until I learned that wasn't the case and that knowledge forever changed me. Suddenly, it wasn't just me anymore, just my hurt. Other girls and boys, along with women and men have and continue to experience that very same heartbreak. Thirdly, although I do from time to time address other denominations who are experiencing similar things (because, yes, I'm aware that is true), I tend to share things I have either experienced myself or went on to research. Starting with a particular way of life I was born and raised in, then lived for most of my life, steered me in that direction. IFB is something ingrained in me, I know most of the ins and outs, pick up on particular trademarks, along with the fact I can usually recognize unique aspects. But more o...